Cheek to Cheek

The Book of Common Prayer provided the world with the lovely vow “til death do us part” – circa 1550 CE. Prior to that – all bets were off!

Not exactly, but every now and then an archeological team will discover a grave with a couple who seem to have resisted the death = parting (at least physically). It’s hard to say what these glimpses into the past mean, as we are very short on context. But it keeps happening:

One of the most recent discoveries was in Northern China. A few things make it notable – the primary one being the first discovery of its kind in China. The two skeletons are in a loving embrace, and the woman’s ring
finger (convenient…) still sports a silver ring. I assume most other cultures don’t call it a ring finger. But that would be a post for a page about marriage, not death.

Graves with more than one person were not uncommon where this
particular pair was found, but the hug is unlike anything else in China.

A near contemporary pair was found in the Roman empire, in Modena,
Italy. Some very deliberate handholding we’ve got. And what’s more, scientists recently discovered that both skeletons are male! Is this some LGBTQ for the SPQR? Like all these burials, who knows?! But let’s say yeah – this is a really nice same sex burial.

Approximately doubling the historical distance, there was
recently a grave discovered in the Ukraine from about 3000 years ago. Man and woman, together in a way that scientist seem fairly convinced required the woman to go in living. It’s a culture (the Vysotskaya) that apparently were known for their “tender” burials. Leading to questions including “Known by whom?” and “Tender to whom?” Kinda subjective.

(Not including the Hasanlu Lovers – sure, they look like they’re kissing. But the whole “town being massacred “ thing removes this from “burial” considerations)

Another huge leap in time brings us to the “Embracing Skeletons of Alepotrypa” from nearly 6,000 years ago. The couple was found during an excavation of the Diros Caves in Greece. Not much to go on here, on account of the age. But, to quote Bill Parkinson, associate curator of Eurasian Anthropology at Chicago’s Field Museum: “They’re totally spooning.”

Lastly are the Lovers of Valdaro. Another pair from about 6,000 years ago. So endearing was their embrace, archeologist were immediately resistant to separating the pair. So they’ve been studied as they are. Luca Bondioli, anthropologist at Rome’s National Prehistoric and Ethnographic Museum, acknowledges the find has “more of an emotional than a scientific value.

But the choices these people and these cultures made every burial were meaningful, for at least a few people. And I think the oddness even better illustrates their connection to us. These pairs aren’t common, but are they an aberration? Or is it just confirmation that inexplicable decisions (sometimes from the heart) have always been a part of the human experience. All the way to death.

Non Curo

“Oh, I didn’t see you there!”

The Romans could have some fun with an epitaph.

This memorial was made for Marcus Caecilius.

Thank you, my dear guest, for stopping at my abode.

Good luck and good health to you. Sleep without a care.

Gravestone pictured above, c. 140 BCE

Isn’t that sweet?

A lot of Roman graves want to pull aside the living and give them a bit of insight. That insight being – “thanks for swinging by my grave – now go enjoy living!”

It’s an Epicurean approach – which isn’t the hedonistic free-for-all we’ve been lead to believe. It did prioritize pleasure, but in a much more mindful way – finding joy in the simple life. Not forever struggling and competing, but appreciating the only thing you really have – this life at this moment.

Hence the NFFNSNC vibe.

No? Not terribly catchy, but it stands for “Non Fui, Fui, Non Sum, Non Curo”

“I was not, I was, I am not, I care not.”

Supposedly the words of Epicurus, though probably not quite exact, as he was a Greek fella who spoke in, well, Greek.

NON FUI, FUI

Imagine, next time you’re strolling through a graveyard or cemetery, that every tombstone there is saying, “Hey – thanks for visiting, but don’t forget to go live!” Not a bad way to honor both the departed and the living. Because you will “non cura” once you’re gone.

And if you can’t afford a nice tomb to affix your epitaph, a bit of graffiti can do the trick:

“To every man, his own gravestone” (Cuique suom cippom)